Auld Lang Lessons Learned
Every time I go to a New Year’s Eve party, I come away with some helpful lessons that help guide me in the year (and years) to come.
Some of the lessons I have learned in days of auld lang syne:
- If there is an ice storm during the New Year’s Eve party, don’t let your drunk-ass sister walk next to you on the way home, because she will grab onto you when she slips and take you both down. This is especially true if you are having considerable trouble with balance yourself. In fact, it is easier not to actually walk under these circumstances. You can sit down and slide.
- Falling asleep cradling a champagne bottle on a porch swing in the woods in North Carolina may seem like a good dramatic gesture to express booze-fueled heartbreak, but it really only results in you waking up freezing cold, not knowing where the fuck you are, and with an incredibly stiff neck.
- Be careful where you’re walking on the last BART train to the East Bay at 4 a.m. on New Year’s Eve, as there are some serious OG’s playing craps for money in the aisles and they don’t take kindly to being interrupted.
- Do not think about the smell of raclette cheese when you are really hungover on New Year’s Day. This could result in projectile vomiting.
New Year’s Eve 2008 taught me a couple more lessons that I will now add to this list.
- There are no cabs in wine country. If you try to find one, you could end up walking a really long way down a pitch black country road, drunk and in heels, at 3:30 a.m., praying for some (any) kind of four-wheeled relief.
- It’s better when the really hot guy rubbing all over you on the dance floor doesn’t have a girlfriend. Who is at the party. Sitting in a chair ten feet away watching it happen.
Another year, another dose of practical knowledge. Hello 2009!
